1)   Visible G-Vage, this is the backside equivalent of cleavage, but ladies, and gentlemen, unless you’re a plumber whose pants are weighted down by a tool belt, we really don’t want to see it.   In the words of Jeff Foxworthy “Just say ‘no’ to crack!!” and we don’t just mean the drug.

2) Visible panty line.   Ladies, men are scared enough of us.  Let us not make our nether regions look like the Bermuda Triangle.   Find a pair of smoothing pantyhose and do invest in the many many brands of comfortable g strings, or wear clothes that DON’T hug every millimeter of your beautiful shape.

3)   Flip flops outside of the pedicurist.   Put these rubber monstrosities away once your toe nails have dried.

4) Yards of tulle after thirty: way too prom night or Miss Haversham.   Aside from the fact that it’s usually not flattering to the figure, are you at your quincinera or sweet sixteen?   It’s time to grow up and face the bias cut.

5) White wedding gowns after the first marriage.  Ladies, we’re already pushing it with the virginal color in round one.  The number of true virgins marching down the aisle in any given year is probably in the single digits.  Must we really stretch all credibility by wearing white the second or third time around?   And are your children from marriage one to believe that they were hatched by Immaculate Conception?

6) Velvet in summer.   It’s meant to keep you warm.   Need we say more?

7) Open toe sandals in the dead of winter.   All this says to the world is: “I have my own car and driver,” or “I’m pretending I have my own car and driver. “